Saturday, early evening. My body is tired. Four hours of class today for a local seminar and every one of my limbs has taken a beating of some kind. Spending your free time throwing and getting thrown by other people, locking wrists and elbows, hitting the floor usually dozens, today hundreds, of times really does relax you over time. Though I have a general feeling of being tired and sore all over my body, it feels so good.

I think a lot about ukemi, the process/science/art of receiving a technique in aikido and other martial arts. Today I read this beautiful quote on the website of a dojo in Switzerland:

“The art of ukemi is the system that keeps us true. The ability to lose one’s balance in a way that brings us back to balance. The fall leading to a greater place. The ability to transform the hit into a gift. To transform poison into wisdom. To take the moment of being out of balance as a moment of evolution rather than of failure. To see that the loss of balance is a catalyst for a movement to a greater depth. Ukemi is an art of healing. To willingly be transformed by the loss of balance as it takes us into the unknown. As it takes us into the unknown and into a discovery of freedom. Freedom to be with the energy of the conflict rather than being victim to that energy. Ukemi is Aikido. Ukemi is the art of receiving. Ukemi is the art of transformation. Ukemi is the art of weightlessness. Ukemi is the art of freedom.”

At my level of practice, the practical matters of ukemi generally include attacking my partner with concentration and commitment, responding to the partners movement, trying not to get slapped in the face (aikido students are often nice enough to slap you instead of punching you), and going down to the mat when thrown in as painless a fall as possible. This last step is a particularly complex one. Depending on the type and intensity of the throw, the fall can be moving calmly into a nice soft, controlled roll, or it can be sensing my body flying into the air as I feel, on a good day, a sense of calmness and faith, or, on worse days, fear and panic. It’s in these more “wild’ moments that I feel like I might be learning about the art of ukemi described in this quote. With each throw, my partners put me into a place where I cannot delude myself with the idea that my world is “under control.” In this place I have to choose between the impulse to brace myself rigidly and fight the natural fears that arise, and my teacher’s imperative to relax and soften. With every good choice, I create neurological, muscular, psychological habits that can improve my life and help me to deal with conflict gently. With every bad choice, I reinforce the structures of combativeness and fear that have developed in my psyche over many years.

The blank page. Again. Here’s to a good one…